I got your attention didn’t I ladies????
I thought it was a shoe fetish, I thought because I was an athlete and a trainer I loved shoes…
I have since learned that is not the case. As I tell folks in the gym, the matters of the heart and mind I believe are flushed out in the physical. Shoes became a matter of my heart and mind flushing itself out in the physical.
I would like to preface this writing so that no feelings are hurt as that is not my intention, it’s merely part of my story, so I tell it.
The relationship with my dad has been a hot and cold situation my entire life. The more I grow and the more I dig into the caverns of my heart, the more I find the mistakes that I have made all along the way. This created the distance between our two hearts. The most beautiful place of my heart that has been re-engaged and redeemed is the understanding that I am loved by him. The grace and mercy of my Heavenly Father has opened my heart to my earthly father and I couldn’t be happier. I see and understand my dad in ways I never thought, hoped, or even imagined possible. I have learned that no matter what has happened over the span of my life my dad loves me…PERIOD, END OF STORY, HE LOVES ME!!! He loves me, he loves me, he loves me. How happy that makes the heart of this woman!!!!
Since I was a little girl I have loved shoes!!! From the day I was making my own money, purchasing my own things shoes were my thing. I had all kinds of shoes but athletic shoes were my favorite. I think I always thought it was just because I was an athlete and because with all these different workout outfits I had to have the shoes to match. That just meant that more shoes were necessary….RIGHT??? Wrong!!!
When I would see my dad, whether he came to visit me or I went to him more often than not he would buy me a pair of shoes….PS my dad has shoes still in the boxes….TRUE STORY…sorry dad 🙂 Those shoes, those tangible items were not just shoes they were love to my heart. They were an act of love seen by me. My dad would buy me shoes and for some reason I attached him loving me!!! It was his love language. I would get so excited too when my mom would take me to get my newest pair of shoes. I know that most kids are excited about shoes, but, here’s where my story looks a little different.
The day I would get those shoes I couldn’t wait to wear them the next day. I would place them beside my bed, the next days outfit would be picked out and ready to wear. I had trouble sleeping that night, as my excitement overwhelmed me. When I really look at this I was overwhelmed by the love and couldn’t wait to put on the love in the morning. It’s actually pretty crazy to think about.
As a child I obviously never thought about this, as I got older though, I began to see patterns in shoe purchases. I began to buy shoes when I was sad or bummed about life. Sometimes I just purchased one pair, other times there was more. I remember at one place in my life I was lost, lost, lost…I was a mess!!!! I was about 26 or 27 and I recall buying 4 pairs of shoes in one store and another pair that same day at another store. It was a way I felt loved, I bought a pair of shoes.
For many of you that know me, you know I have alot of shoes….probably didn’t know this part did ya? Well now you do. So here comes the crazy beautiful part!!! Several months before I decided to head off to Kona, I began praying that God would send a man to pursue my heart, a man that would choose me, love me, etc. Here’s the great thing….REDEMPTION…the man that began to pursue my heart was my dad!!! His simple emails telling me he loved me would bring me to tears. His text messages he would send made me feel so special. Our phone calls made my heart soooooo happy. The simplicity of his pursuit was exactly what my heart needed. I was praying for a man to pursue my heart, I just never realized it was my dad. I had begun to understand what it looked like to allow someone to love me and how to love in return. My heart had been prepared…God’s timing is impeccably perfect.
So when I tell you that as I purged my life, I gave away an entire bag of shoes (when I say an entire I mean, I gave away at least 25 pairs of shoes)….I am now left with two pairs of tennis shoes. I no longer need them, I don’t miss them. I have allowed “him” to love me and so I no longer am in need of the physical tangible object, for my heart and mind are being loved by one who matters.
And that’s the story of Lu and her shoes…
What are you holding on to?
-Shoeless Lu Jackson