I found myself in such a peaceful place last night as I sat in the pew at evening worship last night. It seems a little crazy but in that peaceful place I was wishing I had my computer….I was dying to write. I have been dying to write the last few days, but time has just not permitted. Maybe there was just nothing great to write about….and now….I write!!!!
The other day I was writing passionately about seeking and finding the Lord in our life. Stopping long enough to think about all the places that God had shown up in my life. It’s just so amazing when we stop and just think about it. I just feel so lucky that in the midst of my day, I find the Lord showing up, it’s His still calm voice I hear. It’s direction, it’s love, it’s assurance, it’s AMAZING!!!!
I went with an old friend out to the church last night, I wanted to end my day with evening worship. The songs that were being sung were not familiar to me, so I took that time to journal and to pray. As I was sitting in the dimmed candle lit sanctuary last night listening to the words of the songs and the strums of the guitars there was a phrase that was so loud, so real, it brought me to tears. I couldn’t help but cry, realizing what those words had meant to me over the last year….
Backtrack to earlier in the day. I was in the gym coaching, running around like a wild banchee, cheering people on, giving direction, just enjoying my job. I stopped for a second to hear the tone of my voice, the silliness in my character and this little skip in my step that I had. I took a split second to realize I am not the woman I used to be. I have been transformed, I’m different. I’m happy, I’m content, I’m on a journey and my life is transforming before my eyes everyday. The journey has been a difficult one, but as I tell my people in the gym I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it. Those same words have been uttered to me many times by my friend Annie. This was not pertaining to the gym, but my walk with Jesus. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it!!!
The words of the song were these, “I found myself in you”. Simple, so incredibly simple. I tried and tried and tried to be a better woman. I tried to be more patient. I tried to be more loving, I tried to be empathetic….the thing that was getting in the way was the “I”. I can’t do it alone, I can’t transform my own heart. I don’t care what any motivational speaker says, you cannot change your own mind, you cannot change your own heart. I have tried those people, I have listened to those people. It didn’t work. I so desired to function with a different heart, but I failed every single dang time!!!!
I FOUND MYSELF IN YOU!!!! I found my way to my knees, my face on the floor…that’s when I found me, when I found the Lord. When I sought Him to fill me, to lead me, to heal me, to work in me. I couldn’t do it alone. I then began to see me, and to desire not to be me but to be who God wanted me to be. I wanted to be more like Christ. To walk, talk, love like Him. I am finite and fallen but I can seek out who He is and desire to be less of me and more of Him. It’s for real you guys. Ask anyone that knows me from one year ago and knows me now. Things look different. It’s not my hair, or my makeup, or my success in business, it’s my heart!!! It’s a heart of flesh and no longer a heart of stone. It beats and loves in a way I never thought it could. It’s magical and I can truly say I found myself in Him. I’m a living breathing testimony of what God can do with a heart!!! Don’t hear me saying I’m perfect…I’m a work in progress, but everyday I choose to be more like Christ and less like Lu.
It’s not easy, but I promise it’s worth it.