I was talking to my grandma this morning…it started the way most of the conversations do, small talk. How are things? How’s your back? How’s your week? The questions are answered and then the real stuff begins. I want to KNOW her. I want to know all about her. I want to know her story, where she came from, what are her parents like, what was they’re relationship like? I have such a desire to know.
This is a new thing for me. I never realized I never really wanted to know people. Oh wait it’s because I’m a selfish human being. Sure, let’s chat…there’s a big difference in a chat and a know. I think I need to think of a word for that…….aknowsesh! Hahahaha get a it A Know Session….aknowsesh!!!! Ok, ok, ok I will get on with it (the new skin I’m in is more humorous…well maybe in my own mind) .
Very few times had I ever sat down with someone and really really wanted to know who they were, where they came from, and why they were the way they were!!!! It was nothing I had ever thought about. I remember being totally caught off guard the first time I sat down with Annie, she wanted to really know who I was. That was odd to me and actually made me quite uncomfortable…she didn’t really want to know the me inside.
That’s when the light bulb came on today in my head…We don’t really want to know people because if we know them, they might know us. And I mean not my favorite color, favorite food or my first dogs name….like know the ugliest, most broken parts of me. That’s pretty dang scary!!!
We don’t take the time to know people because we have yet to take the time to really know ourselves. The good, the bad, the ugly of our own hearts. It’s taken some time…almost a year for me to be able to sit here and understand that. I have gotten down to the nitty gritty of my heart…sure there’s more without a doubt! The thing is though that I am learning more about me and who Christ desires me to be. This is turn causes a desire within me to know others!!! For when I know me, I want to know them, and I am capable of letting them know me….confused yet? It’s like my cousins, uncles, brothers, sister in law told me once….wait what???? Ok anyways I’m completely rambling right now. Plain and simple!!!! I cannot really know another person until I know who I am in Christ. For when I find me, I have the capacity to know another!!!!
I now can sit on a computer screen and be raw and let you see me. Not all of me…this is the internet and a girls gotta still have some privacy. But, but, but….I can honestly say now more than ever I wish I could just get paid to sit down and have coffee dates with people so that I might know they more! Beyond the facade, beyond the wall, beyond the person they put on day after day.
And when we can know, we can walk rightly beside another in friendship, relationship or marriage. It’s pretty freeing to allow others to know me.
Do you really know? What would you like to know?