Harder Than I Thought

The adjustment to being home has not been an easy one.  I feel like a fish out of water.  I don’t feel like I fit anywhere.  I sort of feel lost and as if I’m just wandering from day to day with no real goal in sight.  This is not the place I’m used to standing.  I usually know what’s going on, what’s next and where I’m going.  I know I am here and I know it’s where I’m supposed to be.  I was supposed to come home.  I’m just not quite sure what that looks like yet.

I have loved seeing all of my family and friends, it’s been great getting back into the gym and just being.  I’m really struggling with that just being part.  I feel like I need to be doing something.  I should be praying for someone or teaching somewhere.  I haven’t been to any worship sets, I haven’t even gone to church.  And let me tell you the enemy has been fresh on my tail with guilt and shame….but I’m just fighting it all off.  I know I’m supposed to be here.  I just am struggling being here.  I trust that the Lord has me and that He will show me what it really looks like to be back here.

The gym has been a safe haven, a place to hang out and see all the people that are so special to me.  It’s been so great to get back in there.  I am just working out and hanging out.  I haven’t stepped into the coaching role yet.  Soon, but just not yet.  It’s been so neat seeing all the new faces, but with those new faces are people from way way back in life.  I know that The Den is a platform for ministry, it’s a place where lives are changed.

There are two women that have been training for a few months now and both of them will tell you how much they love it.  But more than that it’s saving their lives.  They are a mother daugther team and they are two very victorious women and I am so blessed to have them around.  Hawley was a girl that I played soccer with in high school.  We got in a bunch of trouble together back in the day.  Hawley has been very open in saying that being in the gym has kept her clean for the last 6 months.  She was addicted to meth….her mom who just beat breast cancer started coming in a few months before her.  Hawley began to see the changes in her mom and decided to try it out.  She has been clean ever since.  I drove up to the gym the other day not having seen her for years and she came over and gave me the biggest hug and just said how great the gym has been.  They were chosen as our Athlete’s of the Month, read their write up, just hit the Athlete of the Month tab at www.CrossFitTheDen.com.

As hard as it’s been to come home I know God has more in store and until He reveals it I will be patient.  I will continue to go after His heart.  I will continue to walk in obedience and wait to see what He has.  I will be speaking at Bethel a local church here on Tuesday night.  I am very excited to see what the Lord has to say through me.  Lord my heart is to be your mouthpiece, to be your hands and to be your feet.


3 thoughts on “Harder Than I Thought

  1. Hang in there Lu. This feeling is totally normal. Especially after just finishing a DTS. I am sure if you ask anyone who has done it and went home, we have all been in this season. Just keep pressing into what he has for you. Dont get discouraged. He will reveal his plan in perfect timing…just keep taking those opportunities to share what God has done in and through you. Just telling your story can meet so many people where they are at and you never know that might just be all you are supposed to do in this time. I have loved reading your blogs.

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