I have to say that the last 2.5 years has been a crazy fabulous journey with the Lord. I have cried, I have laughed, I have grown, I have died. This blog I write has really been a large chunk of the journey. But, even before that and up until now my journey has also unraveled on the pages of my many journals.
About two weeks ago my mom sent me all of my journals from the last 2.5 years. The first entry occurred on November 14, 2009. It was a simple entry…
“This heart is yours Lord, please continue to teach me the ways to use it for you glory. Because without you I’m just an empty shell that does not invite or shine. Continue to soften my soul Lord and more than any of these…HELP ME TO TRUST!”
For months and months I just wrote and wrote and wrote…and then one day it all changed. June 20, 2010 it was Father’s Day and I was sitting by the river, listening to music and writing in my journal…
“Lord, I am afraid to trust you. I am afraid to put all my eggs in one basket, for if you leave, I’m left with nothing. Lor you have never given one reason for me to doubt you! I am the apple of your eye…How dare I stand in judgement and doubt Him. There is no reason to doubt…..”
We have this great little boutique here on campus. You can come in and grab whatever you want. People drop off their stuff, it’s like a free garage sale. There’s some really great books in there. Yesterday I found this little booklet called, “Listening to God” by Donna Jordan. Oh how often we talk to God…yes I used to talk to God…I didn’t know how to listen.
That day by the river something shifted…God spoke…it wasn’t this loud booming voice, I just knew as my pen began to write it was not me. They were not my words. It wasn’t a still small voice as it usually was…I’m not sure how to describe it, I just knew it wasn’t my own words….six pages of chicken scratches later the words stopped. At one point I remember looking up and asking Him to slow down because I couldn’t keep up…I just knew it was God. I really have no other way to describe it.
I read it back to my mom later because I thought I was going crazy and she said that it was totally the Lord because the words that were written were very paternal and I for one I am not a parent, and two I am not a man. She just said to trust it was the Lord. This moment in time left me hungry for more…would He speak again or was that just a one time thing? It was not a one time thing…it has been almost two years since that day and I have many many pages of that same voice speaking to me.
As I opened the book this morning I went immediately to the chapter about writing what God says…I will admit many times I question whether or not I just make up my own things and deem them “God’s voice”. I then read this and I said out loud, “I’m really not crazy…God really does speak to me in my journal”. Here’s what the author says,
“Christianity is relationship with God and each other. One way we build this relationship is through writing what He says to us. We can share our hearts with God and listen to what He has to say in response.
…keeps our minds involved and slows us down
…helps keep the message pure
…allows us to rest it with others
…provides a record for future reference.
This is one of the most significant ways of recognizing the voice of God – through writing what He says.
GOD’S VOICE IN OUR HEARTS SOUNDS LIKE A FLOW OF SPONTANEOUS THOUGHTS”.
I was soooo excited!!!! God’s voice totally sounds like spontaneous thoughts in my journals!!! It was as if after two years I finally believe all that’s written in there. I mean I knew it was true, it couldn’t not be true I’m a completely changed woman!!!
So basically what I want to say is that God speaks in so many different ways when we stop to listen!!!! I want to encourage you to ask God questions, ask Him about things. He’s dying to talk with you…not at you, not you talking at Him, TALKING WITH YOU!!! That’s relationship right?!?!?!
1. Grab a piece of paper and a pen…
2. Ask God this one question, “Lord Jesus, what do you think or feel about me?”
Here are a few things to remember A) He wants to encourage you, His voice will ALWAYS be positive. He might convicts, but He will NEVER condemn. B) Don’t argue with Him, or He might stop speaking until you are through talking =)
3. LISTEN, He wants to speak.